You had to be there to understand the bond between Alycia and Andrew.Their relationship was deep but stormy, sweet but bittersweet because they were adolescents feeling adult love. It was beautiful to watch but painful at times as they struggled to deal with adult emotions with children's minds. They were only twelve years old, but the love they felt for each other ran so deep and was so strong and true.
People did not understand and believed their relationship to be shallow and easily dismissed and discarded, like so many young crushes. This was not a crush or puppylove, this was real. As Alycia's mother, I knew and felt every emotion and understood completely.
Andrew was playing basketball at the YMCA the night Alycia was hit by a drunk driver.When his mom approached him, calling him aside, he could see something was wrong. She told him Alycia had been in an accident.
"She's going to be ok, right?" he repeated over and over as his mom struggled to getthe words out. She finally managed to choke out a "no" between sobs, tears flooding down her face. Time stood still as the reality sunk into Andrew's brain. He has never been the same happy-go-lucky, effervescent boy since. His childhood came to a abrupt halt as he fought to keep his sanity.
His first time seeing her in the casket was heartwrenching. Alycia had a ring that Andrew had given her for her birthday. The ring had been torn from her finger and crushed by the impact. Andrew, knowing how much the ring meant to Alycia and him, purchased another and gently placed it on her finger, as she lay cold in the coffin. Tears streaming down his face as he lovingly stroked her hand and kissed her.
Andrew moved as if in a daze at times, alternating between uncontrolled sobbing and fits of anger. He clung to me as his only link left to her and I tried to console him through my own grief. Nothing worked, life was empty and nothing seemed to matter anymore.
He stayed out of school for the rest of the year because walking the same halls they walked together was too painful. The teachers seemed to understand and helped him all they could, but did they really understand his heart? I think they all thought it was just a matter of time, but there was no way to put a time limit on his grieving. His best friend and soulmate was gone forever. At the time of Alycia's death, there had been some anger between them and the guilt of that was overwhelming. Andrew blamed himself, he blamed the world, he could not comprehend the same "why" we ask ourselves every day.
Andrew fought desperately, to keep Alycia's memory alive. He used all of his Bar Mitzvah money to purchase a memorial stone at the corner where she took her last breath. He helped organize the monthly candlelight vigils that were held there, but when the time came, he would retreat to a car, unable to participate because the pain was too intense.
At the trial and seeing the man for the first time, who killed Alycia, Andrew had to be restrained. He wanted to kill him, hurt him, anything to get back at him for what he did. We could only embrace him and try to make him understand that it was for the judge to decide this man's fate, not us.
Life these past four years has been difficult for Andrew. He has a memorial to Alycia on his wall filled with all the poems written for her and pictures of her. She cannot be repaced but she will live forever in Andrew's heart and mind. I can only pray that he finds peace and love one day knowing that he will see Alycia again in Heaven.
Love Always,
Alycia's Mom
I'll Love You
Always & Forever
When I first met you how could I know
that an innocent spark would flicker and grow
You were my soul mate - my very best friend
Sharing our dreams in the hours we'd spend
For a year and a half we were always together
I guess in our hearts we thought this was forever
But God had a mission for me in his plan
and he has one for you - now that you are a man
I will be right besides you to guide you along
and the depth of my love will help you stay strong
All those memories we shared death cannot deny
though it's hard not to question and ask yourself why
